Don’t be fooled: No one on a bike was quoted for this story.

Step aside Steve Cuozzo, the team at Fox 5 (yeah, them again) has scapegoated the Grand Street bike lane in even more outlandish fashion. This "report" manages to blame the brand new cycle track for traffic congestion, slumping dumpling sales, and a disabled man getting hit by a car. We kid you not. Needless to say, the distortions go above and beyond the usual windshield perspective quotes.

"By putting in a bike lane protected by a row of parked cars, the city has essentially turned Grand Street into a single lane," correspondent Ti-Hua Chang tells us, neglecting to mention that Grand Street already had a bike lane and a single moving lane before the parking protection went into effect (in fact, drivers have more space in the new design to make right turns). The difference now is that double-parking actually has consequences for other drivers instead of cyclists, but you don’t see any motorist-on-motorist recriminations here. Also unmentioned in this traffic blame-fest: free East River bridges and the low, low price of on-street parking.

What we get instead is a parting shot from Sean Sweeney — the man who fought tooth and nail against the Prince Street bike lane — invoking the specter of people burning to death as a result of this safety improvement. Good thing Fox 5 put him on camera.